clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
