the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
