Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she told me i tasted like america
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
