HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
