She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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