this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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