I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
