My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
