Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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