I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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