does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
