her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
