he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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