Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
