I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
