i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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