i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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