my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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