my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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