just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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