I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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