Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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