she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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