.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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