Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
