The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
