also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
