remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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