Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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