Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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