just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
