I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
