This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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