I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
