It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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