She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
