there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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