Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
