I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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