I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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