Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
