Duck Duck Cougar?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize