Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
