3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
