I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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