Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
