Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
