don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
