just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
