Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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