When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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