Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ugly people sure do ruin things
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
