i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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