Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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