it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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