Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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