Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
