someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
