Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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