i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
