My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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