Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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