i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
