Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
