And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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