Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just pynch a tree in the face
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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