Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
