She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
