1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
