Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
