She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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