i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
