I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
