just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We left the knife in your bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
