she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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