ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
