we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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