Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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