dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
