I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
