jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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