two words: eviction party
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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