Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
