Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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