I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize