I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We need to get me chipped asap
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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