I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
