My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
