Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize