I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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