i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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