I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
