WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
